Top Five Fridays - September 8, 2006
"Whether you live alone
Or you're trying to find your way in this world
you better make sure that you don't crack you're head on that pavement, man"
Top Five Fridays - September 8, 2006:
Top five things not to do on a first date. - [for guys]
5) Propose marriage.
This is a bad idea in two completely different ways. The 'easier' way is that you propose, she freaks, and runs out of the restaurant. The 'scarier' way is that she says yes, and calls her parents to have a post-dinner sundae at Brusters. As bad as her freaking is, it's nothing compared to her actually accepting the ring. That would mean she's an even bigger freak than you. And that's saying something!
4) Take her to a strip club.
Especially if when you walk in everyone screams "Norm!" It's bad enough that you'd take a classy lady to a strip club, even worse that you're a regular in said club. You need to learn what women want. Most of the time it's not going to be around a bunch of naked women. I know that's how it goes in your dreams, but doesn't usually work out that way in the waking world.
3) Take her to a UT football game.
There's a chance that you may lose her in a sea of people. There's also the possibility that she could go home with a drunken frat boy. It's all the rage now for women to gravitate towards the mindless, drunken buffoons that congregate at the real southern house of worship, Neyland Stadium. Losing her in the tidal waves of the crowd is far better than to a Nick Lachey wannabe. It's just too risky fella.
2) Keep speaking of your ex-girlfriend, the pornstar.
As bad as it is to be discuss your ex on a first date, it's even worse when that particular ex is a pornstar. It's generally a good idea to keep the illicit tales to the guys, because most women don't want to hear that sort of stuff. Guys can't get enough of it, so get it all out of your system before that first date rolls around.
1) "Cooking" her a meal means fried bologna sandwiches and a sixer of P.B.R.
Again, this one is fine for the guys, but not a lady. She needs wine, candles, food that doesn't come out of a can with a spray nozzle. Class it up man. Stick to expensive, foreign wine. That way it'll sound like you know what the hell you're doing. When it comes too food, try making something with more flavor than your doormat. Learn some tips and tricks by watching Giada De Laurentiis on the Food Network. That way if any of your buddies catch you, you can always say you stopped to watch the hot chick. Just make sure to hide that legal pad with your notes for the meal before your homeboy sees it.
Until next time:
"Pamela Anderson Lee released a statement confirming that she has had her breast implants removed. Doctors say that Pamela is doing fine and that her old implants are now dating Charlie Sheen." - Conan O'Brien
Or you're trying to find your way in this world
you better make sure that you don't crack you're head on that pavement, man"
Top Five Fridays - September 8, 2006:
Top five things not to do on a first date. - [for guys]
5) Propose marriage.
This is a bad idea in two completely different ways. The 'easier' way is that you propose, she freaks, and runs out of the restaurant. The 'scarier' way is that she says yes, and calls her parents to have a post-dinner sundae at Brusters. As bad as her freaking is, it's nothing compared to her actually accepting the ring. That would mean she's an even bigger freak than you. And that's saying something!
4) Take her to a strip club.
Especially if when you walk in everyone screams "Norm!" It's bad enough that you'd take a classy lady to a strip club, even worse that you're a regular in said club. You need to learn what women want. Most of the time it's not going to be around a bunch of naked women. I know that's how it goes in your dreams, but doesn't usually work out that way in the waking world.
3) Take her to a UT football game.
There's a chance that you may lose her in a sea of people. There's also the possibility that she could go home with a drunken frat boy. It's all the rage now for women to gravitate towards the mindless, drunken buffoons that congregate at the real southern house of worship, Neyland Stadium. Losing her in the tidal waves of the crowd is far better than to a Nick Lachey wannabe. It's just too risky fella.
2) Keep speaking of your ex-girlfriend, the pornstar.
As bad as it is to be discuss your ex on a first date, it's even worse when that particular ex is a pornstar. It's generally a good idea to keep the illicit tales to the guys, because most women don't want to hear that sort of stuff. Guys can't get enough of it, so get it all out of your system before that first date rolls around.
1) "Cooking" her a meal means fried bologna sandwiches and a sixer of P.B.R.
Again, this one is fine for the guys, but not a lady. She needs wine, candles, food that doesn't come out of a can with a spray nozzle. Class it up man. Stick to expensive, foreign wine. That way it'll sound like you know what the hell you're doing. When it comes too food, try making something with more flavor than your doormat. Learn some tips and tricks by watching Giada De Laurentiis on the Food Network. That way if any of your buddies catch you, you can always say you stopped to watch the hot chick. Just make sure to hide that legal pad with your notes for the meal before your homeboy sees it.
Until next time:
"Pamela Anderson Lee released a statement confirming that she has had her breast implants removed. Doctors say that Pamela is doing fine and that her old implants are now dating Charlie Sheen." - Conan O'Brien
posted by The Big Man | 9/08/2006 11:50:00 PM
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