Top Five Fridays - September 29, 2006
"I'm going back to the water
Been landlocked too long"
Top Five Fridays - September 29, 2006:
Top five ways to recognize that your grass needs to be mowed.
5) You can hear your kids, but no longer see them.
Aww, isn't that sweet? You were finally able to afford the house with the big yard for your children to play in. At first they played cowboys and indians, cops and robbers, touch football. Now they play 'guerillas deep in the jungles of Cambodia.' Kids need to be kids. Torch the thicket so your kids can play wholesome, middle-American games. Do it, do it for the children!!!
4) Animals are scurrying around, all you see is the top of the grass moving.
It's especially nice when you're working on your car in the driveway, a giant sewer rat emerges from the forest you call a side yard, and bounds over your shoes. If your yard looks like that scene out of Jurassic Park where the dinosaurs were giving chase in the tall weeds, then it's time to pull the scythe out of the shed, and get to laying waste.
3) The privacy fence has disappeared.
You spent all of Memorial Day weekend putting up the fence, now you can't even see it. No more strolling around your back yard buck naked. That's the reason why you put up the fence, right? Pull the trusty Troy Built out of your garage, and get to mowing. But please, for the love of all that's holy, put on some clothes first.
2) The police ask to search your yard for escaped felons.
You want to be recognized for you lawn, but not in this way. It's OK for the cops to come by for loud music, over-flowingly drunken parties, and horrifying Halloween festivities. Not so much when it's for the haven for escaped convicts that you call a front lawn. Even in obscenely bright orange jump suits, they are still camouflaged in your yard like Stallone in Rambo II.
1) The line where your yard ends and the forest begins is non-existant.
When the U.S. Department of Forestry knocks on your front door wondering why you've living on protected land, it might be time to trim the grass down a bit. You better be careful. If you're in a secluded area, the A.T.F. may be tapping your phones thinking you're the next Unabomber. You don't want that, do you? If they storm your house they may find all that porn you've been hiding in the drop ceilings, away from your wife. Cut the yard. Cut it before the government seizes your land!
Until next time:
"I always thought a yard was three feet, then I started mowing the lawn." - C.E. Cowman
Been landlocked too long"
Top Five Fridays - September 29, 2006:
Top five ways to recognize that your grass needs to be mowed.
5) You can hear your kids, but no longer see them.
Aww, isn't that sweet? You were finally able to afford the house with the big yard for your children to play in. At first they played cowboys and indians, cops and robbers, touch football. Now they play 'guerillas deep in the jungles of Cambodia.' Kids need to be kids. Torch the thicket so your kids can play wholesome, middle-American games. Do it, do it for the children!!!
4) Animals are scurrying around, all you see is the top of the grass moving.
It's especially nice when you're working on your car in the driveway, a giant sewer rat emerges from the forest you call a side yard, and bounds over your shoes. If your yard looks like that scene out of Jurassic Park where the dinosaurs were giving chase in the tall weeds, then it's time to pull the scythe out of the shed, and get to laying waste.
3) The privacy fence has disappeared.
You spent all of Memorial Day weekend putting up the fence, now you can't even see it. No more strolling around your back yard buck naked. That's the reason why you put up the fence, right? Pull the trusty Troy Built out of your garage, and get to mowing. But please, for the love of all that's holy, put on some clothes first.
2) The police ask to search your yard for escaped felons.
You want to be recognized for you lawn, but not in this way. It's OK for the cops to come by for loud music, over-flowingly drunken parties, and horrifying Halloween festivities. Not so much when it's for the haven for escaped convicts that you call a front lawn. Even in obscenely bright orange jump suits, they are still camouflaged in your yard like Stallone in Rambo II.
1) The line where your yard ends and the forest begins is non-existant.
When the U.S. Department of Forestry knocks on your front door wondering why you've living on protected land, it might be time to trim the grass down a bit. You better be careful. If you're in a secluded area, the A.T.F. may be tapping your phones thinking you're the next Unabomber. You don't want that, do you? If they storm your house they may find all that porn you've been hiding in the drop ceilings, away from your wife. Cut the yard. Cut it before the government seizes your land!
Until next time:
"I always thought a yard was three feet, then I started mowing the lawn." - C.E. Cowman
posted by The Big Man | 9/29/2006 02:48:00 PM
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