Top Five Fridays - March 2, 2007
"The glove compartment is inaccurately named
And everybody knows it
So I'm proposing a swift orderly change"
Top Five Fridays - March 2, 2007:
Top five alternative uses for your glove compartment.
5) Storage for your Oscar.
Screw putting it on your mantle, and placing it in the bathroom is so 1990's. Burrowing your golden statue away in the glove compartment is the new black. Now that Scorsese has won one, well hell, everyone has one of those damn things. Ben Affleck has one for crying out loud! Though he was the bomb in Phantoms, yo. Why couldn't he won one for that role? Anyways. More on the genius that is Aflac...um...I mean Affleck later. Back to the topic at hand, Oscar vault. That way you can find it every once in a blue moon, and be reminded "oh yeah. I have one of those. Hmm. Now why did I agree to do Catwoman?"
4) Trash can.
Out of sight, out of mind. Never have the words been more applicable. Most people just chuck empty Heath bar wrappers in the floorboard of the back seat. Now you can fold 'em up, and store them away in a their own little alcove. Just please, please I say, keep the garbage free of decomposable products. You don't want foreign passengers to wonder what that obscene smell is radiating from the front dash.
3) Stash your multitude of Post-it notes.
Cause who among us is not a Post-it note fiend? Constantly scratching away little notes and drawings further explaining "the bigger picture" unfolding in your life? What? Just me? Oh well. You too can start becoming an obsessive compulsive, now that you have a cubbyhole for your annotations on how to make a peanut butter / canned sardines sandwich amalgamation work. A postscript to the aforementioned quandary; it's all in the spices. Trust me.
2) Secret hiding place for bootlegged music and movies.
The RIAA and FBI would never think to look in your glove compartment. Your CD player? Check. Your back seat? Yu-huh. The passenger side floor board amongst the empty cans of Old Milwaukee? Oh yeah, you betcha. But never your glove compartment. It's so sleek, and looks like it's just part of the dashboard. No one would ever think to rummage through it, looking for your dubbed copy of Cool As Ice.
1) Snack repository.
Have you ever been on a road trip to California in order to get a sex tape with another woman back before your girlfriend sees it? Oh sure, haven't we all? Well wouldn't it be nice, sometime in the middle of the flatlands of Nebraska, to have a rich, creamy Snickers bar? Mmmm. I'm getting hungry just thinking about it now. I can almost taste the nougaty goodness. But where-oh-where to store such a delicious treat? How about a recess that's just a simple arm-length away? Sounds like a fantastic idea to me. If you really want to be like James Bond, install a refrigerating unit to keep everything in your treasure chest nice and cool. Nothing sucks more than traveling through the middle of Arizona, being hungry, only to find all your candy bars melted to a pile of goo. Well, maybe tossing another man's salad in prison is worse. Just barely though.
Until next time:
"Ah...so many pedestrians, so little time..." - Robin Williams
And everybody knows it
So I'm proposing a swift orderly change"
Top Five Fridays - March 2, 2007:
Top five alternative uses for your glove compartment.
5) Storage for your Oscar.
Screw putting it on your mantle, and placing it in the bathroom is so 1990's. Burrowing your golden statue away in the glove compartment is the new black. Now that Scorsese has won one, well hell, everyone has one of those damn things. Ben Affleck has one for crying out loud! Though he was the bomb in Phantoms, yo. Why couldn't he won one for that role? Anyways. More on the genius that is Aflac...um...I mean Affleck later. Back to the topic at hand, Oscar vault. That way you can find it every once in a blue moon, and be reminded "oh yeah. I have one of those. Hmm. Now why did I agree to do Catwoman?"
4) Trash can.
Out of sight, out of mind. Never have the words been more applicable. Most people just chuck empty Heath bar wrappers in the floorboard of the back seat. Now you can fold 'em up, and store them away in a their own little alcove. Just please, please I say, keep the garbage free of decomposable products. You don't want foreign passengers to wonder what that obscene smell is radiating from the front dash.
3) Stash your multitude of Post-it notes.
Cause who among us is not a Post-it note fiend? Constantly scratching away little notes and drawings further explaining "the bigger picture" unfolding in your life? What? Just me? Oh well. You too can start becoming an obsessive compulsive, now that you have a cubbyhole for your annotations on how to make a peanut butter / canned sardines sandwich amalgamation work. A postscript to the aforementioned quandary; it's all in the spices. Trust me.
2) Secret hiding place for bootlegged music and movies.
The RIAA and FBI would never think to look in your glove compartment. Your CD player? Check. Your back seat? Yu-huh. The passenger side floor board amongst the empty cans of Old Milwaukee? Oh yeah, you betcha. But never your glove compartment. It's so sleek, and looks like it's just part of the dashboard. No one would ever think to rummage through it, looking for your dubbed copy of Cool As Ice.
1) Snack repository.
Have you ever been on a road trip to California in order to get a sex tape with another woman back before your girlfriend sees it? Oh sure, haven't we all? Well wouldn't it be nice, sometime in the middle of the flatlands of Nebraska, to have a rich, creamy Snickers bar? Mmmm. I'm getting hungry just thinking about it now. I can almost taste the nougaty goodness. But where-oh-where to store such a delicious treat? How about a recess that's just a simple arm-length away? Sounds like a fantastic idea to me. If you really want to be like James Bond, install a refrigerating unit to keep everything in your treasure chest nice and cool. Nothing sucks more than traveling through the middle of Arizona, being hungry, only to find all your candy bars melted to a pile of goo. Well, maybe tossing another man's salad in prison is worse. Just barely though.
Until next time:
"Ah...so many pedestrians, so little time..." - Robin Williams
posted by The Big Man | 3/02/2007 11:38:00 PM
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