To be alone, or not to be alone.
"Know a man. His face seemed pulled and tense.
Like he's riding on a motorbike in the strongest winds.
So I approach with tact.
Suggest that he should relax, but he's always moving much too fast."
Living alone is both freeing and daunting. Some days I cannot imagine having to live with someone else. Having to share my space. Decide what to eat together. What movie to watch. Etc, etc, etc. Then the other times creep in. I roll over in the wee small hours, expecting to find another lying by my side. Only to find a cold spot where a warm body once lay. I think about the situation a lot. Probably too much. Then times arise when I hop out of bed, and head out the door. No one to have to explain where I am heading. No one to wonder when I will return. If I want to jump in the truck, and head to the mountains for the weekend I can. Then I arrive at the mountains, and realize that there is no one to share the sunset with.
My mom came over to the house the other night. She dropped by to explain to me what plant life is growing in my yard. What needs to be terminated, what receives a call from the governor. I showed her around the house, explaining what improvements my uncle and I had made. Also explaining the short and long term plans for the home. She listened without responding to any with a peep. When we arrived back upstairs, she started in. "You'll be married within a year or two. Have kids within two or three years. You and your wife will be together in the master bedroom (I stay in the smaller bedroom because it has it's own bathroom). Your kids will be in the smaller bedroom. You all will convert the bedroom downstairs into a play room."
My response was "I have to find a woman before I can get married, ma." She just sighed, and shook her head.
Being with someone. Being without. Who the hell knows? I am not really looking at this point. If I find some one, cool. If not, oh well.
Until next time:
"I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be." - Billy Connolly
Like he's riding on a motorbike in the strongest winds.
So I approach with tact.
Suggest that he should relax, but he's always moving much too fast."
Living alone is both freeing and daunting. Some days I cannot imagine having to live with someone else. Having to share my space. Decide what to eat together. What movie to watch. Etc, etc, etc. Then the other times creep in. I roll over in the wee small hours, expecting to find another lying by my side. Only to find a cold spot where a warm body once lay. I think about the situation a lot. Probably too much. Then times arise when I hop out of bed, and head out the door. No one to have to explain where I am heading. No one to wonder when I will return. If I want to jump in the truck, and head to the mountains for the weekend I can. Then I arrive at the mountains, and realize that there is no one to share the sunset with.
My mom came over to the house the other night. She dropped by to explain to me what plant life is growing in my yard. What needs to be terminated, what receives a call from the governor. I showed her around the house, explaining what improvements my uncle and I had made. Also explaining the short and long term plans for the home. She listened without responding to any with a peep. When we arrived back upstairs, she started in. "You'll be married within a year or two. Have kids within two or three years. You and your wife will be together in the master bedroom (I stay in the smaller bedroom because it has it's own bathroom). Your kids will be in the smaller bedroom. You all will convert the bedroom downstairs into a play room."
My response was "I have to find a woman before I can get married, ma." She just sighed, and shook her head.
Being with someone. Being without. Who the hell knows? I am not really looking at this point. If I find some one, cool. If not, oh well.
Until next time:
"I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be." - Billy Connolly
posted by The Big Man | 5/02/2006 01:34:00 PM
3 Comments:
Good post, man.
I just try and find contentment and enjoy the advantages to my current state.
I think all our mothers secretly worry daily whether or not we'll find someone.
its true. though mine usually don't last longer than the eye roll my mother gives me when i tell her i might actually like this one and ask her when she'd like to meet him. she told me not long ago she wished she'd had another child. i think that was her way of conceding. sad.
Followed you from Bones blog...
I grew up the oldest of 6 kids. I was not alone for more than a few hours (ever) until I was about 19! I'm not kidding! :) It freaked me out, but I liked it.
Again I find myself in a place where being alone is a rarity, and I need it--but I don't know how I'd deal with it long term. I probably won't ever find out...
-Cora :)
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