Top Five Fridays - October 6, 2006
"Corn wont grow at all on rocky top,
Dirt's too rocky by far.
Thats why all the folks on rocky top
Get their corn from a jar."
Top Five Fridays - October 6, 2006:
Top five species observed at U.T. football contests.
5) Drunkis Hillbillicus
These wild beasts are the ones slurring their speech early in the first quarter. By the beginning of the ritual known as 'half-time' they spew a foul torrent of blue language. Keep the children's ears covered if you spot one from afar. They can be identified by their bright orange shirts that say 'Gator Skinner' or black shirts that say either 'Lynyrd Skynyrd' or 'If You Can Read This The Bitch Fell Off.' 'Lynyrd Skynyrd' is indigenous music that can be heard blasting from their massive trucks whilst not attending football spectacles.
4) Enemiaratti Dieus
Enemiaratti Dieus can be identified for wearing colors that do not match the Volunteers official palette, orange and white. These fans sometimes blur the line between Drunkis Hillbillicus and Enemiaratti Dieus depending on what region they are from. Any other SEC teams they become known as Hillbillicus Enemiaratti. Watch for these savages to be right in the native's face if they opposing team is winning. If UT is winning, watch for these creatures to turn violent towards anyone wearing orange.
3) Psychoticius Fanaris
They can be recognized by the war paint they wear on the face and/or body. Also watch for the tattooing of the one they call Manning on one's bicep. These feral mammals need to have close attention paid to them. Watch for the wobbly substance in small, plastic receptacles known as 'jello-shooters.' Also observe if the creature is shirtless when it is below freezing. If this is the case, avoid at all costs. You are likely to be on the receiving of a 'head-butt.'
2) Bleedicilli Orangeius
These animals are not to be known for their aggression. They are a docile creature. The only anger they display is towards the Volunteer coaching staff and players. They can be found by looking for the steel gaze they train on the field of action. They only avert their eyes when a 'touchdown' is scored. Then they perform a ritual that is known in their circles as 'high-fiving.' They are free to 'high-five' anyone in the general vicinity after any scoring by their squad.
1) Fratcilis Numbskulldius
Fratcilis Numbskulldius, otherwise known as 'Frat Boys,' are some of the most lethal of all cretins. They are almost always invariably intoxicated. A constant mix of Jack Daniels and Pabst Blue Ribbon is at all times coursing through their veins. The amount would be toxic in most, but they are some how impervious to that concoction. Keep any females at a great distance from them. Fratcilis Numbskulldius have tendencies of insanity when it comes to the female race. Usually groping and grinding occur. If they pick up on a women's scent they will pounce like a lion to a helpless gazelle. Any woman reading this should always arrive armed with a can of pepper spray or an ability to remove his 'berries' from his 'twig' in order to avoid an attack.
Until next time:
"Tennessee definitely has one of the best fan bases in all of football, and they travel with as many fans as anyone in the country. There are only a few schools that can compete with Vol fans, teams like Nebraska and some SEC schools travel like Tennessee, but not many. Then again I don't think you could ever hope to have any more support as a Tennessee player, from the fans that UT brings game after game. It really is amazing." - Trey Teague, Buffalo Bills & former Vol
Dirt's too rocky by far.
Thats why all the folks on rocky top
Get their corn from a jar."
Top Five Fridays - October 6, 2006:
Top five species observed at U.T. football contests.
5) Drunkis Hillbillicus
These wild beasts are the ones slurring their speech early in the first quarter. By the beginning of the ritual known as 'half-time' they spew a foul torrent of blue language. Keep the children's ears covered if you spot one from afar. They can be identified by their bright orange shirts that say 'Gator Skinner' or black shirts that say either 'Lynyrd Skynyrd' or 'If You Can Read This The Bitch Fell Off.' 'Lynyrd Skynyrd' is indigenous music that can be heard blasting from their massive trucks whilst not attending football spectacles.
4) Enemiaratti Dieus
Enemiaratti Dieus can be identified for wearing colors that do not match the Volunteers official palette, orange and white. These fans sometimes blur the line between Drunkis Hillbillicus and Enemiaratti Dieus depending on what region they are from. Any other SEC teams they become known as Hillbillicus Enemiaratti. Watch for these savages to be right in the native's face if they opposing team is winning. If UT is winning, watch for these creatures to turn violent towards anyone wearing orange.
3) Psychoticius Fanaris
They can be recognized by the war paint they wear on the face and/or body. Also watch for the tattooing of the one they call Manning on one's bicep. These feral mammals need to have close attention paid to them. Watch for the wobbly substance in small, plastic receptacles known as 'jello-shooters.' Also observe if the creature is shirtless when it is below freezing. If this is the case, avoid at all costs. You are likely to be on the receiving of a 'head-butt.'
2) Bleedicilli Orangeius
These animals are not to be known for their aggression. They are a docile creature. The only anger they display is towards the Volunteer coaching staff and players. They can be found by looking for the steel gaze they train on the field of action. They only avert their eyes when a 'touchdown' is scored. Then they perform a ritual that is known in their circles as 'high-fiving.' They are free to 'high-five' anyone in the general vicinity after any scoring by their squad.
1) Fratcilis Numbskulldius
Fratcilis Numbskulldius, otherwise known as 'Frat Boys,' are some of the most lethal of all cretins. They are almost always invariably intoxicated. A constant mix of Jack Daniels and Pabst Blue Ribbon is at all times coursing through their veins. The amount would be toxic in most, but they are some how impervious to that concoction. Keep any females at a great distance from them. Fratcilis Numbskulldius have tendencies of insanity when it comes to the female race. Usually groping and grinding occur. If they pick up on a women's scent they will pounce like a lion to a helpless gazelle. Any woman reading this should always arrive armed with a can of pepper spray or an ability to remove his 'berries' from his 'twig' in order to avoid an attack.
Until next time:
"Tennessee definitely has one of the best fan bases in all of football, and they travel with as many fans as anyone in the country. There are only a few schools that can compete with Vol fans, teams like Nebraska and some SEC schools travel like Tennessee, but not many. Then again I don't think you could ever hope to have any more support as a Tennessee player, from the fans that UT brings game after game. It really is amazing." - Trey Teague, Buffalo Bills & former Vol
posted by The Big Man | 10/06/2006 04:22:00 PM
1 Comments:
Haha. I like this. We have similar species, of course. Especially those who deride the coaching staff, university administration, and some players, starting with pregame and lasting until they leave, normally sometime between halftime and early in the 4th quarter.
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