Top Five Fridays - March 9, 2007
"On the back of a motor bike
With your arms outstretched trying to take flight
Leaving everything behind "
Top Five Fridays - March 9, 2007:
Top five ways to tell that you need to upgrade your cell phone.
5) No touchtone.
Do you young whipper snappers even know what rotary dial phones are? Google it. Back in the day we had to use our fingers for something other than picking our nose and butt. We dialed numbers by turning a cylindrical, plate-like hunk of plastic. That's how we got in touch with "our peeps." That, or by sticking our head out the window and hollerin'. Nowadays the reckless youth gets pissed when they go into voicemail. We didn't have voice mail. It was called your mother, a piece of paper, and a pencil. That was our voice mail.
4) You have the extra large, Zach Morris-style phone.
Has someone every said to you, "is that a cell phone in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" To which your retort was, "yup, it's a cell phone." The only plus to having that phone is that you save money on a gym membership. You can do all manners of free-weight exercises with that bulky, grey monstrosity of a mobile. But it's 2007. The only good place for the official Saved By The Bell phone is buried out back next to Mr. Snuggles. Hell, it's probably as big as Mr. Snuggles.
3) No bluetooth.
"What is bluetooth? I don't know." That's what most of you are thinking. Those young 'uns that have never heard of rotary dial will scoff at your anti-techno-savvy ass, and proclaim, "do you, like, live in the dark ages? Gawsh!" Heaven forbid you use a phone as a phone anymore. You need text messaging, internet access, high megapixel camera, iTunes, skype, MySpace mobile, cuisinart galore! It slices, it dices, it'll let you chop your onions without shedding a single tear! Calling people with it? You must be from the dark ages, like, the 70's. Gawsh!
2) You carry around your cordless home phone.
You need to quit acting all big, walking around with that 5.8 GHz cordless. And for goodness sake stop acting like it's a cell phone by cussing the lack of cell tower coverage. You're not fooling anyone. Put that phone back on the base, and go get a real mobile. One that will let you make calls outside of that 500 ft bubble around your house. Then you will have our respect. Well, once you switch out the house speakers in your Pinto for real car speakers you will have our respect. Now you just have our pity.
1) Current squawk box held together with used chewing gum.
So you dropped it at work. Sure. Shit happens, we believe you. We just have a problem with the fact that you spit the then-being-nawwed-upon piece of Big Red into your hand, and rigged the phone back together. You're not MacGyver. If you hadn't already figured that out from the hairspray / lighter incident of '05. What scares me more is that once you get home you'll whip out the duck tape to do further repairs. Use the duck tape on stuff it's suited for, like your car. Not the cell phone. Next thing you know you'll be walking around with that damn thing taped to the side of your head. Unfortunately, it won't be on purpose.
Until next time:
"I had my cell phone ring changed to a loud sneeze. That way, not only do I not offend those around me, they actually bless me whenever anyone calls." - Jerry L. Embry
With your arms outstretched trying to take flight
Leaving everything behind "
Top Five Fridays - March 9, 2007:
Top five ways to tell that you need to upgrade your cell phone.
5) No touchtone.
Do you young whipper snappers even know what rotary dial phones are? Google it. Back in the day we had to use our fingers for something other than picking our nose and butt. We dialed numbers by turning a cylindrical, plate-like hunk of plastic. That's how we got in touch with "our peeps." That, or by sticking our head out the window and hollerin'. Nowadays the reckless youth gets pissed when they go into voicemail. We didn't have voice mail. It was called your mother, a piece of paper, and a pencil. That was our voice mail.
4) You have the extra large, Zach Morris-style phone.
Has someone every said to you, "is that a cell phone in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" To which your retort was, "yup, it's a cell phone." The only plus to having that phone is that you save money on a gym membership. You can do all manners of free-weight exercises with that bulky, grey monstrosity of a mobile. But it's 2007. The only good place for the official Saved By The Bell phone is buried out back next to Mr. Snuggles. Hell, it's probably as big as Mr. Snuggles.
3) No bluetooth.
"What is bluetooth? I don't know." That's what most of you are thinking. Those young 'uns that have never heard of rotary dial will scoff at your anti-techno-savvy ass, and proclaim, "do you, like, live in the dark ages? Gawsh!" Heaven forbid you use a phone as a phone anymore. You need text messaging, internet access, high megapixel camera, iTunes, skype, MySpace mobile, cuisinart galore! It slices, it dices, it'll let you chop your onions without shedding a single tear! Calling people with it? You must be from the dark ages, like, the 70's. Gawsh!
2) You carry around your cordless home phone.
You need to quit acting all big, walking around with that 5.8 GHz cordless. And for goodness sake stop acting like it's a cell phone by cussing the lack of cell tower coverage. You're not fooling anyone. Put that phone back on the base, and go get a real mobile. One that will let you make calls outside of that 500 ft bubble around your house. Then you will have our respect. Well, once you switch out the house speakers in your Pinto for real car speakers you will have our respect. Now you just have our pity.
1) Current squawk box held together with used chewing gum.
So you dropped it at work. Sure. Shit happens, we believe you. We just have a problem with the fact that you spit the then-being-nawwed-upon piece of Big Red into your hand, and rigged the phone back together. You're not MacGyver. If you hadn't already figured that out from the hairspray / lighter incident of '05. What scares me more is that once you get home you'll whip out the duck tape to do further repairs. Use the duck tape on stuff it's suited for, like your car. Not the cell phone. Next thing you know you'll be walking around with that damn thing taped to the side of your head. Unfortunately, it won't be on purpose.
Until next time:
"I had my cell phone ring changed to a loud sneeze. That way, not only do I not offend those around me, they actually bless me whenever anyone calls." - Jerry L. Embry
posted by The Big Man | 3/09/2007 11:26:00 PM
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