Top Five Fridays - May 04, 2007
"Don't lose your faith in me
And I will try not to lose faith in you
Don't put your trust in walls
'Cause walls will only crush you when they fall"
Top Five Fridays - May 04, 2007
Top five ways to relieve stress at work.
5) Embed a scanner into the nearest wall.
It helps if you can chuck it into the wall on the first throw. This may take some forethought, and working out. Scanners can be rather bulky. I suggest some curls, bench presses, and triceps. Really work on your upper body. You're coworkers will be thoroughly impressed when you hurl that light-bulb-in-a-plastic-box all the way across three other cubicles. Just make sure to remove the cables first. You don't want to tick off the fellow employees with a power cable to the eye.
4) Flick Skittles into the light fixtures.
They won't melt or explode. Trust me. They'll just rest up there, making you lightly chuckle to yourself every time you look up. It's especially nice when you can get enough multi-colored ones to make your cubicle look like a discotheque. Then all you'll need is a Paul Oakenfold CD, glow sticks, and some E. You'll never stress again at work. Never.
3) Go on "sales calls."
And by "sales calls" I mean trips to the nearest bar, a movie, or home to take a nap. Anything to get out of the office for a little bit. Just make sure you actually go out on a sales call every once in a while. You don't want the big boss man questioning why you're always out, yet your sales total only reach a buck and a quarter. That may appear rather odd. Unless you're an extremely good sales person, and can sell you boss that you're really pounding the pavement. Then, my friend, I'll give you a gold, sticky star. What the hell, I'll give you two.
2) Plug in, tune out.
Put on some Her Space Holiday, ICP, Pat Boone, whatever the hell will blur out all that constant and consistent din of white noise wafting through the office. Make sure your earbuds are extra deafening. I think it'll say that right on the package: "This product will cause permanent ear damage if you crank your damn Hatebreed CDs up to 11, dumbass!"
1) Take up secondhand smoking.
If you go out to smoke with the others, you're guaranteed a break at the least every hour on the hour. Maybe more. Try going with different groups of smokers. Anyone that passes by your squared-circle section that you call your personal work space heading to smoke, join 'em. Hell, take one every three minutes. You'll never have any stress then. The rub is that you may not have a job either. This has the added bonus of making your clothes, and yourself, reek of cigarettes. Score! That's what we all aim for, right? The smell of murky, dark, back alley bars and honky tonks? If you don't want to smell like that then get the hell out of here right now.
Until next time:
"I don’t like talking paper in my free time…or my at-work time." - Jim Halpert; The Office
And I will try not to lose faith in you
Don't put your trust in walls
'Cause walls will only crush you when they fall"
Top Five Fridays - May 04, 2007
Top five ways to relieve stress at work.
5) Embed a scanner into the nearest wall.
It helps if you can chuck it into the wall on the first throw. This may take some forethought, and working out. Scanners can be rather bulky. I suggest some curls, bench presses, and triceps. Really work on your upper body. You're coworkers will be thoroughly impressed when you hurl that light-bulb-in-a-plastic-box all the way across three other cubicles. Just make sure to remove the cables first. You don't want to tick off the fellow employees with a power cable to the eye.
4) Flick Skittles into the light fixtures.
They won't melt or explode. Trust me. They'll just rest up there, making you lightly chuckle to yourself every time you look up. It's especially nice when you can get enough multi-colored ones to make your cubicle look like a discotheque. Then all you'll need is a Paul Oakenfold CD, glow sticks, and some E. You'll never stress again at work. Never.
3) Go on "sales calls."
And by "sales calls" I mean trips to the nearest bar, a movie, or home to take a nap. Anything to get out of the office for a little bit. Just make sure you actually go out on a sales call every once in a while. You don't want the big boss man questioning why you're always out, yet your sales total only reach a buck and a quarter. That may appear rather odd. Unless you're an extremely good sales person, and can sell you boss that you're really pounding the pavement. Then, my friend, I'll give you a gold, sticky star. What the hell, I'll give you two.
2) Plug in, tune out.
Put on some Her Space Holiday, ICP, Pat Boone, whatever the hell will blur out all that constant and consistent din of white noise wafting through the office. Make sure your earbuds are extra deafening. I think it'll say that right on the package: "This product will cause permanent ear damage if you crank your damn Hatebreed CDs up to 11, dumbass!"
1) Take up secondhand smoking.
If you go out to smoke with the others, you're guaranteed a break at the least every hour on the hour. Maybe more. Try going with different groups of smokers. Anyone that passes by your squared-circle section that you call your personal work space heading to smoke, join 'em. Hell, take one every three minutes. You'll never have any stress then. The rub is that you may not have a job either. This has the added bonus of making your clothes, and yourself, reek of cigarettes. Score! That's what we all aim for, right? The smell of murky, dark, back alley bars and honky tonks? If you don't want to smell like that then get the hell out of here right now.
Until next time:
"I don’t like talking paper in my free time…or my at-work time." - Jim Halpert; The Office
posted by The Big Man | 5/04/2007 10:56:00 PM
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