Failed party

"Made damn sure that Pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fate"

Around 2:34 am Saturday night/Sunday morning I made a decision. I wash my hands of the majority of my friends.

I planned out a little get together, a party if you will. Ended up inviting a little over twenty people. Two showed up. That two included a friend that I have had a long and tumultuous relationship with. But when it counted, he and his fiance showed up. We ended up having a really good time. Both us guys got blistering drunk, and we all talked about stuff we rarely ever discuss. Religion. Abortions. Capital Punishment. You name it. We have been friends with each other long enough to know better than to get mad at one another for having different viewpoints. We mirrored our lives to a point that it was almost scary. Crisis of faith, and exploring alternative religions in our early-20's. Coming to terms with our opinions. Building strong footholds for our viewpoints, while still remaining open minded to other's side of the debate. By the end of the night he was saying that I was his best and most reliable friend. He talked of complaining daily to others that we live an hour and a half from one another. He hates that I am having problems at work [we're in the same field]. He kept talking about how pissed he was that no one showed up. But we all agreed at the close of the night, welcoming of the morning, that we were glad we had that time. Just the three of us.

It made me realize that with the majority of my so called friends I am the one making the effort. I am the one calling them. I do not mind one iota going out of my way for a friends, but there comes a point where they cease to be a friend. I do not ask for anything in return, but it would be nice if for once they would call me instead of the reverse. They would show up when they say they will. Most of them said point blank "I will be there" or "if I cannot make it, I will call." None did.

So I made the decision that I am done. I am tired of spending massive amounts of effort to try and stay in touch with them. Without them ever once worrying with keeping in touch with me. I am not bitter, I am not mad. What I am is disappointed. Hurt. It is hard for a guy to admit his feelings were hurt, but mine were.

I hope I do not sound like a jaded, bitter man. Cause I am not. This comes after years of the same behavior from these people. In fact, one of whom has told me time and time again that I need new friends. I finally decided that she was right. That includes not being her friend anymore, which troubles me. My nickname for her is "mom #2."

Today I work with three people who said they would be there. I do not really want to hear excuses. I do not want to hear reasons. Because none of them called. I would not feel this way towards any of them if they would have taken twenty seconds to give me a call, and simply say "I cannot make it." For whatever reason, I wouldn't have cared. For now, I am done.

I'm headed to my actual friend's house tonight. He started up a weekly poker game. Since he lives so far, I will only make the trip about once a month. But I will be there.

Until next time:
"In life, if you ever need a helping hand you have two at the ends of your wrists. One to help yourself and the other to help others." - Audrey Hepburn