Top Five Fridays - March 16, 2007
"O soave fanciulla, o dolce viso [Oh lovely girl, oh sweet face]
di mite circonfuso alba lunar [bathed in the soft moonlight.]
in te, vivo ravviso il sogno [I see you in a dream]
ch'io vorrei sempre sognar! [I'd dream forever!]"
Top Five Fridays - March 16, 2007
Top five reasons to get into opera.
5) Sing along.
Who the hell can tell if you're wrong or right, save someone who actually speaks Italian? Nobody. No Simon telling you you're "utter rubbish," as long as you do it with complete gusto. Chutzpah! Attack your performance like Al Wilson would attack a quarterback. I'm talking upturned hands, grasping at ghost globes. Full-on jaw movement, over extending every single syllable. Do it. Just do it with style, with conviction.
4) Put a halt to being an uncultured buffoon.
C'mon now. Let's improve your CD collection by replacing Justin Timberlake with some Giacomo Puccini. Doesn't that sound like a good idea? Forget bringing sexy back. That's so 2006. Start thumping along to some "O Furtuna," mosh to Le nozze di Figaro, and whip out the trusty ol' zippo for "La Mamma Morta." You'll be the bee's knees there young fella.
3) For the chicks, man.
I mean seriously, have you seen opera groupies? Hot! Don't even get me started on the performers. There's nothing sexier than a woman that if you get lucky with, you have to spend twenty minutes just untying her corset. Builds the tension, ramps up the experience. Trust me. Also the noises those freaky-deeks make in the sack will shatter your windows. Literally. So sound proof your bedroom, and invest in some trojans. No, I'm not talking about the ones with cod pieces, I'm talking about the pieces for your cod.
2) Piss off rich folk.
Isn't it nice how all attendee show up in their best bib and tucker? Very nice, yes? Well screw those hoity-toity bastards! Here's your attire: shorts [no matter what the season], ratty baseball cap, sneakers, and a Wu-Tang Clan t-shirt. Triple dog dare anyone to even attempt to comment on your choice in clothing. Oh their mouths with be open, just no words will escape. What would make it even better is if the t-shirt barely concealed your bulging, hairy beer belly. Though if you're going to employ this tactic, be sure to pick the lint from your belly button at least once every five minutes.
1) Learn a foreign language.
Any recollections of seventh grade Spanish flew the coup long ago. Here's your chance to dig deep, and tread unsoiled ground. Learn Italian the uncommon way, through opera. You'll be sure to impress your friends, family, and that woman at the end of the bar. Just don't act like a complete twit upon learning just a few words. Only embrace the language once you've mastered it enough to speak in complete dialogues. Phrases like "could you direct me to the post office," and "this cheese is very stinky" may sound all well and good to the impotent ear. But if you happen upon someone who is fluent, you may be called out. Just a forewarning, el dumbasino.
Until next time:
"I have no idea to this day what those two Italian ladies were singing about. Truth is, I don't want to know. Some things are best left unsaid. I'd like to think they were singing about something so beautiful, it can't be expressed in words, and makes your heart ache because of it. I tell you, those voices soared higher and farther than anybody in a gray place dares to dream. It was like some beautiful bird flapped into our drab little cage and made those walls dissolve away, and for the briefest of moments, every last man in Shawshank felt free. " - Red [Morgan Freeman], The Shawshank Redemption
di mite circonfuso alba lunar [bathed in the soft moonlight.]
in te, vivo ravviso il sogno [I see you in a dream]
ch'io vorrei sempre sognar! [I'd dream forever!]"
Top Five Fridays - March 16, 2007
Top five reasons to get into opera.
5) Sing along.
Who the hell can tell if you're wrong or right, save someone who actually speaks Italian? Nobody. No Simon telling you you're "utter rubbish," as long as you do it with complete gusto. Chutzpah! Attack your performance like Al Wilson would attack a quarterback. I'm talking upturned hands, grasping at ghost globes. Full-on jaw movement, over extending every single syllable. Do it. Just do it with style, with conviction.
4) Put a halt to being an uncultured buffoon.
C'mon now. Let's improve your CD collection by replacing Justin Timberlake with some Giacomo Puccini. Doesn't that sound like a good idea? Forget bringing sexy back. That's so 2006. Start thumping along to some "O Furtuna," mosh to Le nozze di Figaro, and whip out the trusty ol' zippo for "La Mamma Morta." You'll be the bee's knees there young fella.
3) For the chicks, man.
I mean seriously, have you seen opera groupies? Hot! Don't even get me started on the performers. There's nothing sexier than a woman that if you get lucky with, you have to spend twenty minutes just untying her corset. Builds the tension, ramps up the experience. Trust me. Also the noises those freaky-deeks make in the sack will shatter your windows. Literally. So sound proof your bedroom, and invest in some trojans. No, I'm not talking about the ones with cod pieces, I'm talking about the pieces for your cod.
2) Piss off rich folk.
Isn't it nice how all attendee show up in their best bib and tucker? Very nice, yes? Well screw those hoity-toity bastards! Here's your attire: shorts [no matter what the season], ratty baseball cap, sneakers, and a Wu-Tang Clan t-shirt. Triple dog dare anyone to even attempt to comment on your choice in clothing. Oh their mouths with be open, just no words will escape. What would make it even better is if the t-shirt barely concealed your bulging, hairy beer belly. Though if you're going to employ this tactic, be sure to pick the lint from your belly button at least once every five minutes.
1) Learn a foreign language.
Any recollections of seventh grade Spanish flew the coup long ago. Here's your chance to dig deep, and tread unsoiled ground. Learn Italian the uncommon way, through opera. You'll be sure to impress your friends, family, and that woman at the end of the bar. Just don't act like a complete twit upon learning just a few words. Only embrace the language once you've mastered it enough to speak in complete dialogues. Phrases like "could you direct me to the post office," and "this cheese is very stinky" may sound all well and good to the impotent ear. But if you happen upon someone who is fluent, you may be called out. Just a forewarning, el dumbasino.
Until next time:
"I have no idea to this day what those two Italian ladies were singing about. Truth is, I don't want to know. Some things are best left unsaid. I'd like to think they were singing about something so beautiful, it can't be expressed in words, and makes your heart ache because of it. I tell you, those voices soared higher and farther than anybody in a gray place dares to dream. It was like some beautiful bird flapped into our drab little cage and made those walls dissolve away, and for the briefest of moments, every last man in Shawshank felt free. " - Red [Morgan Freeman], The Shawshank Redemption
posted by The Big Man | 3/16/2007 11:30:00 PM
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