Top Five Fridays - April 27, 2007
"Tell the world goodbye,
Cold beer hello!"
Top Five Fridays - April 27, 2007
Top five ways to get kicked out of a beer festival.
5) Ask if beer is non-alcoholic.
Better yet, ask if they have any O'Douls, that'll get you booted post-haste. There are two reasons people flock to brewfests: to try out different beers, and to get good and knackered. Most of the time it's the latter rather than the former. So even the thought of trying to kill people's respective buzzes, well hell, you might as well head on over to a quilting bee. You namby-pamby, momma's boy.
4) Channel your inner frat boy.
Upon entering the first tent, shout loudly "woo-hoo, bring on the brewskies!!!!!!!!" That'll set the tone for the rest of the day. Then continue with your wayward ways by attempting keg stands, drinking from the tap, downing some of the rinse water, and start a rousing cheer of "show your tits! Show your tits! Show your tits!" I'm sure you'll be met with some hearty laughter, and a big pat on the back. They won't hurl you out, they wouldn't dare. You're a legacy!
3) Sport a camera, claim to be from "Grandmas Gone Wild."
If you're going to try this one out, please find someone from #3. That will really get things moving along. If you say you're from Girls Gone Wild, you may stand a chance at being accept amongst the throngs of people, if not cheered for your efforts. You may actually get to see some nubile jubblies. But if you say you're from Grandmas Gone Wild, the bullseye will be upon you my friend. No one wants to see some saggy, veiny, wrinkly milk bags. Do they?
2) Spit already sloshed beer into bucket.
C'mon now, this isn't the San Fernando Valley, and that's not Coppola's best you're swilling. This is a beer festival, and there is no cheese. Cheetos maybe, but that's about as close as you're going to get. Don't go sipping from your glass, pinky extended. Down that bitter, heady nectar of the gods. Chug, chug, chug!
1) Bring a big gulp cup to hold your "tasting samples."
Now I know what you're thinking, why hasn't anyone thought of this before? The "man" only gives you a small glass that has the appearance of a shot glass on steroids. Wipe the thought of bringing a bigger, better cup with you to the festival. The vendors are not going to go whole hog, and fill the cup. They'll just boot your goofy ass. And no, they will not accept that you're a "growing boy," "need your vitamins," and by "vitamins" you mean "beer." Trust me.
Until next time:
"This is grain, which any fool can eat, but for which the Lord intended a more divine means of consumption. Let us give praise to our maker and glory to his bounty by learning about... BEER. " - Friar Tuck [Michael McShane], Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
Cold beer hello!"
Top Five Fridays - April 27, 2007
Top five ways to get kicked out of a beer festival.
5) Ask if beer is non-alcoholic.
Better yet, ask if they have any O'Douls, that'll get you booted post-haste. There are two reasons people flock to brewfests: to try out different beers, and to get good and knackered. Most of the time it's the latter rather than the former. So even the thought of trying to kill people's respective buzzes, well hell, you might as well head on over to a quilting bee. You namby-pamby, momma's boy.
4) Channel your inner frat boy.
Upon entering the first tent, shout loudly "woo-hoo, bring on the brewskies!!!!!!!!" That'll set the tone for the rest of the day. Then continue with your wayward ways by attempting keg stands, drinking from the tap, downing some of the rinse water, and start a rousing cheer of "show your tits! Show your tits! Show your tits!" I'm sure you'll be met with some hearty laughter, and a big pat on the back. They won't hurl you out, they wouldn't dare. You're a legacy!
3) Sport a camera, claim to be from "Grandmas Gone Wild."
If you're going to try this one out, please find someone from #3. That will really get things moving along. If you say you're from Girls Gone Wild, you may stand a chance at being accept amongst the throngs of people, if not cheered for your efforts. You may actually get to see some nubile jubblies. But if you say you're from Grandmas Gone Wild, the bullseye will be upon you my friend. No one wants to see some saggy, veiny, wrinkly milk bags. Do they?
2) Spit already sloshed beer into bucket.
C'mon now, this isn't the San Fernando Valley, and that's not Coppola's best you're swilling. This is a beer festival, and there is no cheese. Cheetos maybe, but that's about as close as you're going to get. Don't go sipping from your glass, pinky extended. Down that bitter, heady nectar of the gods. Chug, chug, chug!
1) Bring a big gulp cup to hold your "tasting samples."
Now I know what you're thinking, why hasn't anyone thought of this before? The "man" only gives you a small glass that has the appearance of a shot glass on steroids. Wipe the thought of bringing a bigger, better cup with you to the festival. The vendors are not going to go whole hog, and fill the cup. They'll just boot your goofy ass. And no, they will not accept that you're a "growing boy," "need your vitamins," and by "vitamins" you mean "beer." Trust me.
Until next time:
"This is grain, which any fool can eat, but for which the Lord intended a more divine means of consumption. Let us give praise to our maker and glory to his bounty by learning about... BEER. " - Friar Tuck [Michael McShane], Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
posted by The Big Man | 4/27/2007 11:25:00 PM
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