Top Five Fridays - Octbober 13, 2006
"Tell the world goodbye,
cold beer hello!"
Top Five Fridays - Octbober 13, 2006:
Top five ways to realize that you should have not gone out last Friday night.
5) Waking up next to Frodo.
Sure she was hot in your eyes. What you failed to remember were the four Jagerbombs you imbibed, chased by a couple rounds of Lynchburg's finest. Let's face it fella, a parakeet with some rouge would have looked just as good. Next time take it easy, and just maintain a steady buzz. The fog of alcohol will make you do some stupid things. Sometimes none so stupid as bagging what at first glance appears to be a hobbit.
4) Karaoke performance posted on YouTube.
Your office will get a hearty laugh watching your rendition of "London Bridge." It's bad enough having to put up with Fergie singing it. Your version makes everyone want to either bust their eardrums with a dull pencil, or e-mail it to all your friends and family. The best part was where you dropped trou, stood on the stool, and held the microphone up to your bare ass. I'm sure that one will make an appearance at the gathering of family at Christmas.
3) Wake up in a back alley, sans pants.
When you drink so much that you cannot remember what happened, it may be time to catch up on "your stories" on Friday nights. More than likely it was not a good thing that your pants are M.I.A. There's probably photos, and an inebriated homeless man involved somehow. That is if your friends are worth a damn. If you don't stay in next Friday you're likely to wake without pants yet again, this time to a dog licking some foul smelling liquid off of your face.
2) That itchy, burning sensation.
Itchy's not that bad. Burning can be not that bad either. Combine the two, and you're seriously considering busting out the hedge clippers. Ah hell, you'd settle for a halfway decent pair of scissors at this point. Shave the sergeant and the boys, apply some ointment, and wrap it up next time. Better yet, stay home the next couple weekends. That way you'll go back into the game no longer on the D.L. You'll be at 100%, and fully really to look rejection dead in the eyes. Those sweet, blue eyes of heartache.
1) Strategically placed tattoos.
Ain't nothing like waking up on a crisp Saturday morn, noticing a distinct throbbing coming from your left buttock. When you finally see what's causing the problem you realize that there is a man named Jim Bob out there, and you are now his bitch. How are you going to explain to the girlfriend why you now have the markings of a kept man? Jim Bob's kept man to be precise. Nuzzle up next to your lady next Friday night with a romantic movie, and some fresh popcorn. With a steaming side of pot roast of course.
Until next time:
"Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol." - NF Simpson
cold beer hello!"
Top Five Fridays - Octbober 13, 2006:
Top five ways to realize that you should have not gone out last Friday night.
5) Waking up next to Frodo.
Sure she was hot in your eyes. What you failed to remember were the four Jagerbombs you imbibed, chased by a couple rounds of Lynchburg's finest. Let's face it fella, a parakeet with some rouge would have looked just as good. Next time take it easy, and just maintain a steady buzz. The fog of alcohol will make you do some stupid things. Sometimes none so stupid as bagging what at first glance appears to be a hobbit.
4) Karaoke performance posted on YouTube.
Your office will get a hearty laugh watching your rendition of "London Bridge." It's bad enough having to put up with Fergie singing it. Your version makes everyone want to either bust their eardrums with a dull pencil, or e-mail it to all your friends and family. The best part was where you dropped trou, stood on the stool, and held the microphone up to your bare ass. I'm sure that one will make an appearance at the gathering of family at Christmas.
3) Wake up in a back alley, sans pants.
When you drink so much that you cannot remember what happened, it may be time to catch up on "your stories" on Friday nights. More than likely it was not a good thing that your pants are M.I.A. There's probably photos, and an inebriated homeless man involved somehow. That is if your friends are worth a damn. If you don't stay in next Friday you're likely to wake without pants yet again, this time to a dog licking some foul smelling liquid off of your face.
2) That itchy, burning sensation.
Itchy's not that bad. Burning can be not that bad either. Combine the two, and you're seriously considering busting out the hedge clippers. Ah hell, you'd settle for a halfway decent pair of scissors at this point. Shave the sergeant and the boys, apply some ointment, and wrap it up next time. Better yet, stay home the next couple weekends. That way you'll go back into the game no longer on the D.L. You'll be at 100%, and fully really to look rejection dead in the eyes. Those sweet, blue eyes of heartache.
1) Strategically placed tattoos.
Ain't nothing like waking up on a crisp Saturday morn, noticing a distinct throbbing coming from your left buttock. When you finally see what's causing the problem you realize that there is a man named Jim Bob out there, and you are now his bitch. How are you going to explain to the girlfriend why you now have the markings of a kept man? Jim Bob's kept man to be precise. Nuzzle up next to your lady next Friday night with a romantic movie, and some fresh popcorn. With a steaming side of pot roast of course.
Until next time:
"Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol." - NF Simpson
posted by The Big Man | 10/13/2006 11:22:00 PM
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