The Big Man Speaketh

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Location: Knoxville, Tennessee, United States

Friday, July 28, 2006

Top Five Fridays - July 28, 2006

"They say roses are red and violets are purple
Sugar is sweet and so is maple surple
"

Top Five Fridays - July 28, 2006:

Top five reasons why you can't roller skate in a buffalo herd.*

5) Cause roller skating is no longer cool.
Heck, even inline skating is outside of our cultural sphere. Nowadays it's all about the finger skateboards. So if you're gonna attempt anything in a buffalo herd go get a pack of finger skateboards, locate the herd, and get crackin'.


4) It's much more manly to run with the bulls in Pamplona.l.
Having wheels on your feet is disadvatangous to the animals. If you're a real man then you'll run along side the bulls. Preferably barefoot. That is if you're a real man.

3) Because your roller skates would get clogged up with dung.
Have you ever seen a mountain of buffalo poo? It's huge! I once a saw a man from France climb to the top of one, and claim the mountain for his mother country. Do you really want to have to clean number 2 out of your 1974 Roller Boogie Deluxes?

2) Would you rather shower in a parakeet cage?
I mean, c'mon. Roller skating in a buffalo herd isn't all that bad. Things could be a lot worse. Try fishing in a watermelon patch. Phew, you'd be better off over in Baghdad. I'm not even gonna start on the hell of trying to swim in a baseball pool. *shuddars*

1) Because it's a freakin' buffalo herd.
You may be quick, but not quick enough to evade an advancing buffalo. You'd get trampled to death if you ever tried to roller skate in a buffalo herd. As my lil sis would say, "der!" Then again, if you'd like to give it a shot let me know. I'll bring my camera along. Afterwards we can post it on YouTube.



* A certified "No Prize" will be sent to anyone who actually gets this.

Until next time:
"The buffalo were more frequent than I have seen cattle in the settlements, browzing on the leaves of the cane, or cropping the herbage on those extensive plains, fearless, because ignorant, of the violence of man." - Daniel Boone